I've been letting some thoughts percolate in my brain for quite some time now and I think they are needing to be put down in written form. I've been contemplating what it means for me to be a mom and what that entails. Before I was a mother I knew exactly what type of mom I wanted to be. Now being a mom and actually living it day in and day out, it's harder to be the mom that I'd thought I'd be.
The pre-mom-mom in my head was a cool headed, well-groomed, stylish lady who had well-behaved children who loved to do the things that she did. I was around children and babies a LOT when I was younger. I babysat all the time and even was the "mom" for multiple families of multiple children while their parents were on vacations. I was the "cool" babysitter who did lots of fun things. I thought I understood what it meant to be a mom...boy was I fooled!
I knew being a mom would be hard- that's what I signed up for. But what I didn't know was how trying and tearful and gut-wrenching it would be. I have young children and I know it's not going to get any easier. So here are my thoughts- raw and unedited.
MESSING THEM UP- I worry that some of the decisions I make will mess them up and I will have raised someone who is spoiled or not self-sufficient or, or...the possibilities are endless.
DISCIPLINING- Am I being too hard on them, am I breaking that strong spirit they were sent with? Am I too easy on them- are they getting away with too much? Where is the line and how do I know?
UNDERSTANDING THEIR NEEDS- When they come out as babies it's easy to understand what they need- pretty straight forward; eat, sleep, changing diapers and giving LOTS of loves. When they get a little older it gets a little harder. What do you need when you can't communicate it to me, or you can talk, but you can't understand what it is you need yourself. It's tricky and sticky and trying.
Those are just a few of things that I struggle with. It's a daily process. One day I feel like the mom in my dreams and the next day I feel like I've been replaced with the Wicked Witch of the West! What I have finally concluded is, motherhood is not for the faint of heart.
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4 comments:
I enjoyed this post! Motherhood is far harder than anyone ever dreams!!! Rewarding and very challenging! Glad to hear you are doing well! Your Disneyland pictures looked so fun! So fun you could go!
Meg, You read my mind. Thanks for sharing!!!
If you ever figure all of this out please let me know. I can't tell you how many times I've had similar thoughts and still do.
I thought I was the world's greatest mom until I had two kids... well then time, patience, lack of sleep, etc. helped me see reality.
I was thoroughly convinced by the time Lauren was 3 and Kenzi was 2 I had messed them both up for life.
You are a great mom and your little boys are so lucky to have you!!!
megg- i hear ya. :) i think most if not all moms can related to pretty much everything you blogged in this post. it's a learning process for sure. you're doing a great job. you're a fantastic mama, despite the witchy urges. :) those two boys are lucky little chaps to have you and rob as their parents. ps- i did read a great book, if you haven't already picked it up, it's called Bringing Up Boys. i thought it had some great insights. don't be too hard on yourself. :) sure love ya! missed seeing you guys yesterday. hope you had fun! and really, let's get the kiddos together, it would be fun!
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